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Josh and I met on match.com. We started our new lives together and were married. I knew he was the one and we decided to try to have a baby. There were many prayers, tears, doctor visits, tests, roller coaster emotions, and "when you don't try it will happen" moments. Ultimately, conception never happened for us. We accepted God's plan for us was different than what we thought we were planning. 

Years went by and we smothered ourselves in work, chores, family time, and play. We shyed away from the subject and didn't bring it up often. Trying to stay busy was subconsciously keeping this void and let down from taking precedence in our minds.

Backstory: I started to have very painful and life halting menstrual cycles. I was diagnosed with hyperplasion and was told to take birth control pills to combat it. The complete opposite thing you want to do when you are wanting to have a child. My life was being affected. I could not go to work, go out in public, sleep for very long at a time, and I landed in the ER due to extreme pain. I was informed that I keep taking the drugs or have a hysterectomy. Also, the doctors could not explain why I was unable to get pregnant. Josh and I both checked out fine. I was torn. Torn between living this way day by day or giving up any chance at conceiving. I was also told they were not sure if I had cancer or not and would not be able to know for sure until they did the surgery. Double, triple blow. What do I do ? I chose to live. I chose to remove all female parts and leave it at God's feet. I knew His plan for me was mighty. 

Today, I am still emotional about the decisions I had to make and the second guessing I place on myself but I will move forward and choose to still pursue motherhood and create a loving family through adoption. And I did have stage 1A cancer, so I am thankful for the choice I made even though it was an extremely difficult one to make, 

Josh and I are now exploring adoption as a whole and were we fit in. It is quite the plethora of information. We are excited to see where our journey begins and how it flourishes with time. 

Thank you,

Heather Flow 

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